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Final Golden Compass Update

2007-12-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

Now that the movie I've incessantly blogged about and been oh-so-excited about for the past year+ has finally come out, I'm sure that you are all eager to hear what I thought of it.

It sucked. Don't waste your money. Read the book. The end.

Bring on the Popcorn and the Sticky Floors

2007-09-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

Put away your whites, kids, because summer is (almost) officially over, 100+ temps notwithstanding. Do you know what the day after Labor Day weekend really means? It means that it's almost time for the new fall TV season, as well as all those serious and spectacle laden fall movies! You already know what my thoughts are on some of the shows in the upcoming TV season (and yes, I am aware that I stopped blogging about it before I actually finished watching all the fall tv pilots, and, really, that has a lot more to do with the quality of the actual pilots left rather than my fabulous blogging upkeep skills...). And while you know that The Golden Compass is highest on my list of movies I'm excited about, it is by no means the only movie that I'm stoked about seeing in the upcoming months.

Cate Blanchett exploded onto the scene in Elizabeth in 1998. I thought she was robbed of her best actress Oscar, by Gwyneth of all people (even though, full disclosure, I did love Shakespeare in Love. But let's face it - Elizabeth was the far better movie and Cate Blanchett a far better actress). In the ensuing years, she has never failed to turn in amazing work in each of her movies - I recently caught parts of The Aviator and forgot that she manages to actually make her portrayal of Kate Hepburn believable and not a caricature. I got a little nervous when I heard that they were doing a sequel to Elizabeth and even more so when I realized that it would release the year after Helen Mirren absolutely rocked her portrayal on the HBO miniseries and justifiably earned every award under the sun. However, my fears are a little assuaged after watching this trailer for the upcoming Elizabeth: The Golden Age. I hope the Spanish Armada are quaking in their boats right about now.

Another movie I'm excited about is Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody's Juno. I don't really know how to describe it except that the script read as smart, sarcastic, and boasts a great comedic cast. Jason Bateman, Michael Cera, J.K. Simmons, Allison Janney, and the person I'm most excited to see, young Ellen Page, who completely owned the screen in the intensely disturbing Hard Candy. Set for release in mid-December, I think this could be the perfect little sleeper hit, a breath of fresh comedic air in the face of all the overwrought holiday movies that will be out in full force come December. Plus, teenage pregnancy? Abortion? Adoption? Orange flavored tic-tacs? How can you go wrong!

Atonement is an adaptation of Ian McEwan's brutal novel about love set amidst war, the misunderstanding of youth, and the repercussions of one's actions. It's getting a lot of buzz right now because it just opened the Venice Film Festival to mostly good reviews. I'm excited about it because of the actors (Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, and newcomer Saoirse Ronan, who was handpicked by Peter Jackson to star in his adaptation of Alice Sebold's dark, funny, and heartbreaking novel "The Lovely Bones"). I'm excited about it because McEwan is an extraordinarily haunting writer, and while some of his earlier books were just dark and disturbing, "Atonement" managed to combine McEwan's trademark skill of immense foreboding with genuine poignant emotion. Mostly, I'm excited by the prospect of Joe Wright re-teaming with Keira Knightley, because while nothing can ever take away the girlish glee of discovering Colin Firth in the BBC's astounding 1995 version of Pride and Prejudice, I do have to say that watching Joe Wright & Keira Knightley's version is a damn close second. And for all those who say that Knightley is all skin and bones and underbite, I strongly urge you to see her in this - she honestly has never been more luminescent (although, really, let's be honest here - Elizabeth Bennett was never supposed to be that pretty...wasn't she described as plain to Jane's beauty?...) Anyway, back on point - "Atonement" was a heartbreaking novel, it's perfect for awards season fodder - can Wright and Knightley deliver again? Check out the website and trailer and decide for yourselves...

This is just a random sampling of awesome movies in the coming months, but by no means the only movies I'm excited about (we haven't even talked about my secret boyfriend Tony Leung in Ang Lee's Lust, Caution; the ridiculously awesomely violently stupid Shoot 'Em Up - I mean, come on, a movie like knows exactly what it is, and what it is is pure empty entertainment; Stephen King's The Mist, because it reunites Frank Darabont and Stephen King, and it features this really cool trailer that definitely piques my interest; The Kite Runner, because it is an adaptation of a tragic book that made me cry a lot then scream at the book at how absolutely ludicrous it got at piling on the pain; Sweeney Todd, the awesomely dark Sondheim musical about the Demon Barber of Fleet Street and his "meat" pie-making partner-in-crime; and numerous others in the jam-packed four months between now and the end of the movie awards season...)

Tell me, dear reader, what movies are you excited about now that we've officially begun the fall movie season?

Nothing Better...

2007-08-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

...than this live duet of one of my favorite Postal Service songs, with Jenny Lewis subbing for Jen Wood (who did the album track). And while you may think I am biased because I love Jenny Lewis, I honestly think her voice works better with this song than Jen Wood's because Lewis's sounds more melancholy. Or maybe I'm just biased. It's a good song regardless.

Golden Compass Comic-Con Update!

2007-07-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

I know I've been blathering on for what seems like ages about this giant holiday spectacle movie that has witches, talking polar bears, something called an alethiometer, and a trio of hotness known as Daniel Craig, Nicole Kidman, and Eva Green. But, even knowing all this about The Golden Compass, we still don't really know what this movie's about. Well, question no more, dear readers - New Line has posted their 5-minute Comic-Con trailer that finally attempts to explain this movie to those not familiar with Pullman's work (and let's face it - His Dark Materials doesn't really come with the same type of recognition that Lord of the Rings or Chronicles of Narnia has).

Does this trailer make you want to see the movie more or make you think it'll completely bomb? Weigh in below!

Live Blogging Top Chef Episode 6: "Watch What Happens"

2007-07-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

Andy Cohen is a giant douche. Ilan Hall, if at all possible, is an even bigger douche. The end of the live recap.

Also, does it strike anyone else that it's really early in the season for a filler episode? Boo Top Chef.

Golden Compass Update!

2007-07-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

Gentle readers, I apologize for the lack of updates. However, today I return with a doozy! (Ok, I admit, I'm a bit late to the party on this one. The one-sheets came out days ago.) Below are the character posters for The Golden Compass, and while the Eva Green one looks a little schmaltzy, again I will give the movie the benefit of the doubt. Why, you ask? Because this newly released trailer looks pretty friggin excellent. The movie looks a little cleaner and less gritty than I had imagined the world to be when I read the book, but hey, I'm not going to judge until I see it.

Also under the category of things that are pretty badass: FX's new show Damages.

Glenn Close acts the hell out of this one, and Ted Danson is creepily awesome. Check it out if you can - the "exploring a case over one season" plot is mildly reminiscent of ABC's awesome (and of course, tragically canceled) Murder One, except Damages absolutely stands out in its own right. The only small quibble is the question of if Rose Byrne can play opposite Glenn Close and hold her own, but I guess we'll have to tune in over the course of the series to find out. Seriously, how many ways can I tell you that Glenn Close is badass in this? Catch it if you can.

Live Blogging Top Chef Episode 4: "Cooking by the Numbers"

2007-07-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome dear readers, to another night of live-blogging summer's most awesome cooking show, Top Chef. How we have missed you Padma, Tom, Gail, Ted Allen, et al. Let a national holiday never separate us again. And without further ado, let us get to it!

01: Casey's sharpening her knives. She means business. Watch out, kids - she'll use this newly sharpened knife to stab you in the back, maybe.

02: Lia may be "younger than the majority" but she's an executive sous chef at Jean-Georges for crying out loud! Her need to prove herself will mean she's either the winner or loser of the challenge. I vote for winner - Lia may be 27, but she works at frackin Jean-Georges. She's got to have some game.

03: How does one get to be a "Global Master Mixologist" and can I sign up please?

04: All these drinks do sound yummy. How much you want to bet someone gets drunk on this quickfire?

06: Maybe Padma will get drunk.

08: Those sharp knives didn't hurt.

09: The first team episode!!! These are always awesome. First team is Camille, Brian, and Lia - damn, I'm wrong already. Those Bravo previews did the trick and sure fooled me!

11: Uh-oh, they're switching groups already. Casey, Howie, and Joey - the Bravo execs and Top Chef producers must have soiled themselves with glee at this turn of events.

17: This just in: Paula Abdul is batshit crazy.

20: $150 is not a lot for groceries - hell, I spend that much!

21: I will say this - on paper, Brian/Hung/Lia seem formidable. The only question is if they can actually get along.

23: Look at how they save Colicchio's visit to Team 2: Joey/Howie/Casey until the end. That's some smart editing, my friends.

24: Joey, that's because you're such an insecure and immature asswipe.

31: Those were some really finely diced cucumbers, Lia. It makes me appreciate Marcel's finely diced mango's in the Top Chef Season 1 vs. Season 2 challenge, before Ilan "accicedentally" dropped them. What a douche.

31: FOAM! Hung really is friends with Marcel.

34: I love that CJ is brushing his tiny slab of meat with a giant brush.

36: I know the other chefs are done and are trying to relax now, but crowding around Team 4 doesn't really seem fair.

37: I agree that Team 4 should have done dessert. Whether they win or lose, I'm glad they did.

45: Lia looks like she's going to cry because she won and got an awesome compliment from Colicchio. Can I call it or what?

45: Brian is gracious in defeat, and Hung actually looks it too. Good for them. Suddenly I like Malarkey! more.

49: Howie is smart where Camille is not. Clearly, your dish sucked, which is why you've been called back. Howie admits that "the components were there" but it didn't turn out exactly the way it was supposed to. Smart. Camille says nothing wrong with her dish - not smart. Howie has clearly seen a few episodes from the previous seasons - nothing says good chef like the awareness of how your food sucked and the self-confidence to man up to it. I don't really like Howie but whether or not this is a smart play, I have to admire it.

50: Wait, what's going on here. Casey, don't try to play the martyr and throw yourself on your newly sharpened knife if you don't really mean it.

56: The commercials for the new Bravo series Flipping Out have got to be the best thing about the show. "I'm an assistant, an actress, and a rapper" is the best line I've heard all year.

58: Suh-NAP! They sent Camille home! I was not expecting this - I was expecting Howie or Joey to go. I thought dessert would get a slap on the wrist and a do better next time. For the record, that's now THREE women to have gone. Lia, better keep winning those challenges. And for the record, how on earth does Sara N. keep floating under the radar?

59: At least Camille seems to have garnered genuine respect from her peers. Oh Camille, we hardly knew ye.

If next week's previews are any indication, someone could get injured in the kitchen. I can only hope Hung ends up running over Joey or something. Knife optional.

I miss Gail, but Ted Allen's more than making up for it. Robo-dorks! Be sure to check out the rest of the blogs, which are in parts insightful, insipid, and entertaining.

And, um, who are these production people and can I get a job on Top Chef please?

Will "The Moneymaker" actually make any money?

2007-07-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

Friends of mine know that one of my favorite bands of the past few years has been Rilo Kiley. One random summer night in 2003, I read a review of a local LA band that was playing, and on a whim I walked down to the Troubadour where they happened to be playing. I had just moved to LA, I had just broken up with my girlfriend (and still living with her in some bizarre nightmare that no one should have to endure, especially if you've ever met my ex), and I was in the perfect mood to branch out and try something new. Not knowing anything about Rilo Kiley, I went down to the Troub and bought a ticket. It was one of the best shows I've been to (and incidentally, one of the most random and kinda awesome LA nights I had had since I moved - you can email me for that story). Jenny Lewis, the lead singer, absolutely OWNS the stage and literally is sex on a stick when she's in her element, and Blake, while he may look like Crispin Glover (and that's not a compliment), can play a mean guitar. The music was infectious, emotional, and for reasons I can't explain, really hit me. Two nights later, I drove down to the Glass House in Pomona to catch the show again, and left so jazzed, I went driving around all night. I've since seen them several more times, and in the years (and albums) since, their popularity has grown and their music evolved, everything from whispy indie music to rock-y indie music to soulful country. Their newest album will be released at the end of the summer, and the first single (and corresponding video) has just been released. As is their habit, this song (and presumably the album) sounds/will sound nothing like their previous albums. It's dirtier and gritter and a little more raw. I'm not sure if I like it or not yet, but one song is not enough to decide and they've rarely disappointed me - I reserve judgment until I hear the full album. Dear readers, what are your thoughts on the song below?

Click here for the full video, but beware that the first 9 minutes is a video bit interviewing porn actors before we get to the music video (but there isn't actual porn. And it makes sense in conjunction with the music video itself. Sorta.).

For just the music video, click below:

A live song from their second album:

A KCRW in-studio session of them performing from their third album:

One of my favorites from Jenny Lewis' solo album from last year.

And finally, one of the most spirited covers, played during their 2005 tour at the Wiltern, featuring Feist (who, truth be told, was boring as shit at this performance), an awesome Kiwi band

The Brunettes, who are similar to The Pipettes, except in my opinion, are way more awesome because they play a kickass show. I mean, the lead female plays a clarinet at one point (and it works) and in their last song they came out in Mary-Kate & Ashley masks and sang a song about them. Plus, the lead female is totally cute. You can't beat that.

Anyways, back to the cover - Jenny Lewis, Blake, Pierre, Jason, Debbie Gibson, plus everyone else all sing a cover of Pete Townsend's "Let My Love Open the Door," giving the boys and girls separate mics, and with Blake playing the ukelele of all things. Somewhere in the Valley, Captain Calamity's eyes rolled so far back that they were never to be seen or heard from again.

Be warned, dear readers - should you ever find yourself attending a Rilo Kiley show, focus solely on the stage and not on those standing around you. If you do, you might possibly find yourself gouging out your own eyeballs to save yourself from the sight of so many hipsters in one place before the music lulls you back into sanity. If, however, you do manage to take out a few hipsters before the music brings you back into a good place, the world thanks you profusely.

Movie meets TV: The Best of Both Worlds

2007-07-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

What happens when you mix one of your favorite movies with one of your favorite TV shows? The combined squeal factor is deafening.

So You Think You Can Dance?

2007-06-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

Between Top Chef and So You Think You Can Dance, Wednesday nights has turned out to be a hot night for reality TV over the summer, especially if it involves Wade Robson's choreography. Now Wade Robson is a cocky-ass mo-fo, but you know what? Anybody who danced with Michael Jackson as a child and can choreograph the stuff he's choreographed for So You Think You Can Dance is allowed to be just a little full of himself, especially since he's only featured in small doses on Fox's show. Does anybody remember the MTV show a few years back called The Wade Robson Project? Set in a sort of "steel cage" type up close set, there was a segment where Wade taught everyone a dance routine and another freestyle segment, culminating in each episodes head-to-head dance off battle to advance to the next round. The boy was full of himself but man was there some serious dancing going on on that show. Much as I hate arrogance, I think I have to admit, as a dancer and a choreographer, Wade's kinda earned himself the right to it.

Live Blogging Top Chef Episode 3: "Family Favorites"

2007-06-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another night of live-blogging Top Chef. Without further ado, let's fire up the kitchen! (Seriously. I just said that.)

04: I'd like to see Brian lose and his whole world dissolve please.

04: Hung is so spastic. I love it.

04: Crawfish down! Crawfish down!

05: They're featuring Lia a lot so far...winner or booted?

06: Conch is apparently the new kryptonite.

10: For 30 minutes worth of time to cook, these chefs sure came up with a lot of different components to their dishes.

10: "Alfred Portale, aChef of the World, thinks my croutons are too big. Obviously, he didn't understand the concept." Seriously, I LOVE Hung.

12: Damn. I guess the world is intact for another day. But can we please lose the hat Brian? Seriously, we know you like fish, but you're not going fishing here.

18:: I'm kinda secretly loving Dale a little because he acknowledges that everyone secretly eats this shit food. But, chefs, can we please lose a little of the attitude? I know you all wish you were cooking amuse-bouches here, but let's at least acknowledge that for better or worse, this food is part of the American culture. And what a sad reflection on our culture that is.

20: Half the chef-testants don't know what most of the American comfort food is, but they know enough about the Elks Lodge to have a reaction when Padma tells them who they're cooking for?

20: They're also featuring a lot of Dale, but painting him as the screw-up. Reverse psychology says he's top 3.

22: Not that I agree with Dale's strategy, but CJ the friendly giant should mind his own business. If Dale wants to cook his own grave, let him.

24: Top Chef is veering dangerously close to Real World territory here. Except instead of macking in the hot tub, they all talk about food. Much sexier in my opinion.

26: Oh Dale. Use instant mashed potatoes all you want, just don't tell Colicchio when he wanders on by. Don't you know you tell him after you've already wowed him with it?

28: CJ, that looks disgusting. Maybe you should be worried about your own food instead of harping on Dale's instant mashed potatoes and later, Lia's undercooked lentils.

28: "They beat me down. But I'm a warrior." Words cannot adequately describe how excited I am for Hey Paula.

34: Scraped the fat and rendered it in a chip? Hung seems like the guy who's always way to overeager to please. And yes, I understand the irony of this. Food should be pleasing. But Hung is like all the teams in the Amazing Race who are so hellbent on looking for the clue box that they run right by it, and I'm a little afraid his tunnel vision might hurt him in the end.

35: I want to adopt that Granny Elks Lodge member who knows her grandma's fried chicken will kill her.

36: Seriously, Brian. Take the damn hat off. Did you pull a Marshall or something? Just donate it to an Elks Lodge member.

38: The judges look like they absolutely hate their job right now. I don't blame them. None of that food looks edible in the slightest.

39: Padma can't even hide her utter disgust and disappointment at the chef-testants and I love it.

45: Snap. They only called 2 people in. Seriously, they didn't have anything worth calling up a third person.

46: Dale sure proved everyone wrong with his instant mashed potatoes.

48: Sweet baby tiny Jesus in a manger, they called five people into the bottom three. Brian, stop being befuddled. They clearly called you into the bottom three for a flagrant wardrobe violation. This may be a show about food, but a large component of food is the presentation, and that hat is just not presentable.

50: I'll answer for Sara M: She was thinking, I have no idea what the hell Chicken a la King is, so I'll just make something with the same ingredients.

51: Touche, Lia. Franks and beans does have a subtlety that we mere mortals overlook.

Even though she was being snarky, she nailed what went wrong with this challenge: no one took their classic dishes seriously and respected it, and as a result, they came up with half-assed, sub-par dishes. It doesn't matter that this stuff may look disgusting and unappetizing and may be foreign to you (hell, I never ate mac and cheese until I got to college) - you should respect the classic food of other cultures regardless. After all, Hung, I know what you're talking about when you say all you ate was steamed fish, white rice, and lots of vegetables when you were growing up, but let's face it - Asian food has some gnarly looking things too, and I'm sure South African and Jamaican does as well. Let's not judge a dish by its plating people.

58: Eh, later Micah. Your daughter will be glad to see you.

59: Next week: team cooking! That never fails to bring out the drama in the kitchen. Based on the previews, it looks like like our teams will be Tre and the two Sara's (btw, does anyone else seem to notice that Sara N. is always looking or saying her in chef-fessionals that she's confused?); Camille, the aggressive Hung, and the gentle giant CJ; Dale, Brian, Howie; and Lia, Joey, and, Casey, who I'm guessing will be the most internally dramatic group (with Hung's group a close second).

What do you think, dear reader? Which group do you think will bring out the most conflict next week? What is your favorite American comfort food? What is Chicken a la King? And how are you liking Season 3 so far?

Summertime, and the livin' is easy...

2007-06-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

Summer is not my favorite time of the year. It's hot and I don't like hot. My birthday falls during the summer, and I'm not a huge fan of my birthday (not because I don't like getting older, I just don't like being the center of attention and all the fuss and muss). There used to be no good TV on during the summer. And did I mention the hot?

But these days, summer seems to be redeeming itself. Summer TV is no longer a joke, and indeed there are several moments of appointment television on during the summer (hello, Top Chef!). Summer movies, popcorn fluff as they are, are still highly enjoyable spectacles of fluff (Transformers here I come!).

Plus, Potter-mania has officially hit me! I've torn through books 5 & 6 this past weekend in anticipation of the movie (14 days!!!) and the final book in the Harry Potter series (24 days and counting!!!)

And finally, the summer brings about the Grand Slam Tennis Season, and my dear friends and readers know how, ahem, obsessed I am by Grand Slam Tennis. May brings the slippin' & sliding French Open, June/July brings the classy Wimbledon, and August/September brings the rock 'n roll U.S Open. If you don't like tennis, I can't convince you why it's a most excellent and extremely nail-biting sport. But matches like Day 2's 4-plus hour Tim Henman vs. Carlos Moya match that went to 13-11 in the fifth set sure goes a long way to selling it.

These days, I'm liking summer a little bit more. But I still don't like hot.

And Then There Were The Rest...

2007-06-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

In a battle of the slackers, Calamity and I viewed Chuck and Reaper back to back. Winner? Surprisingly, Reaper.

Directed by Kevin Smith, Reaper is about a geeky boy whose parents sold his soul to the devil and on his 21st birthday and now must be in the employ of the devil as a repo man...of bad guys who escaped from hell. Fun premise, the lead guy isn't too bad, but Nikki Reed was woefully miscast (I think they thought she could act). Luckily, that role has now been replaced by Missy Peregym (who rings the gong of subtlety slight less often), and although it's not on my top list of shows for the fall, it could make it's way onto my TiVo come September.

In the other corner was Chuck, about a geeky boy who inadvertently downloads top secret information that transforms himself into an unwitting top-secret spy for the US Government.

To be quite honest, I can't remember much about this show, except that it seemed like all of Josh Schwartz's trademark wit and humor must have made it into the smart Gossip Girl and he just seemed to run out of it entirely when he got to Chuck. It was kinda lame, boring, not funny, and the lead was entirely uncharismatic. Although I will always welcome Adam Baldwin to my TV, he seems destined to once again be on a show that fails.

Due a bout of unfortunate (or, perhaps, very shrewd) scheduling, Chuck and Reaper are up against each other in the same time slot. While Chuck may get more viewers because it's on a larger network (NBC), Reaper(CW) is, in my opinion, the better show as of right now. Round One of the battle of the slacker boys goes to Reaper.

Up next! The Sarah Connor Chronicles...

First off, any show that has the line "my boss - the United States Government" is automatically awesome. What's not awesome is Thomas Dekker's hair, Lena Headey's teeth, and, most offensively, Summer Glau's (lack of) acting. Still, boring as the first 3/4 of the pilot was, it ended on an intriguing note, and I could see myself giving this show a few more episodes come fall before I really make my decision.

Action shows on TV are notoriously hard to make because they run the risk of being extremely expensive, and cheapening the action just makes it look fake and lame, but I think the budgetary restriction could almost be good for the show. The way it ends, it seems this could be a much more introspective and thoughtful action show (although I use those terms loosely), which fits the TV landscape much better, but that might ending up turning off the Terminator fanboys (and girls). While Lena Headey is no Linda Hamilton, she doesn't end up being the world's worst substitute (Headey almost became a professional boxer at one point!), and let's face it - Edward Furlong and Nick Stahl haven't exactly left the world's largest shoes for Dekker to fill.

Lastly comes CBS's Viva Laughlin, a remake of the BBC show Viva Blackpool. First off, props to CBS for trying something entirely new and different with this year's pilots. It was a brave and calculated move, one that I wish more networks attempted. That being said, aspiring writers, polish off those procedural pilot scripts you've got written, because I got a feeling CBS is going to be wanting those in spades next season. I only managed to catch a few episodes of Viva Blackpool, but it was different, fun, and managed to sort of work. Maybe it was the British accents, maybe it was because they knew to highlight the kitsch factor along with the darker subplots (the casino world, after all, is a very shady business to be in), maybe it's because David Tennant rocks, but whatever it was, it was something Viva Laughlin didn't have.

What Viva Laughlin did have was a lot of bronzer. As in, EVERYBODY looked like an Oompa Loompa, most especially the lead, Lloyd Owen, who I'm sorry to say has none of the characteristics necessary to carry this show (those being: can act, can sing, can look like a normal person instead of an orange...). Every part of this show looked amateur-ish, and instead of making the casino and gambling world look sexy and dangerous, it made it look cheap, ugly, and boring. And television first and foremost should always entertain. As the Captain pointed out, we were confused as to who the target audience was. People who hate musicals won't watch this show, and people who like musicals will hate this show. The only thing this show succeeded in proving was that Hugh Jackman cannot possibly maintain his charade that much longer. I mean, really, Hugh, who are you fooling here?

For a more succinct take on the show, check out the clip below:

May the Schwartz Be With You

2007-06-26T11:09:00.004-07:00

Welcome back to Pilot Watch, kids. Sorry I've been away for so long - I was hiding a corner over the abysmal status of some of this season's pilots. Without further ado, I'll try to blow through reactions to them as quickly as possible.

Yup, Josh Schwartz is back. And he brought with him Kristen Bell. How can you fail with this potent combination?

I feel like Josh Schwartz really split his attention between Chuck and Gossip Girl. It's like he channeled all his mojo into one child and completely neglected the other.

Simply put, Gossip Girl is kinda awesome because the show really knows its audience. A list of the awesomes:

The rich side of New York City as seen through the eyes of teenagers; melodramatic slow-motion acting; rich priveledged teenagers blatantly drinking martinis at the bar; kids texting on their Sidekicks (seriously. everyone on this show must be given a comped Sidekicks - it's pretty much a character unto itself) a fist-fight at a big dress-up party; a douche who un-ironically wears a scarf all the time...this show takes all the cliches but somehow manages to make it WORK. There's even an attempted rape scene that, if this were One Tree Hill...well, I shudder to think. But somehow, it seems realistic, uncomfortable, and believable here. Topped with all the most current music of today (peter/bjorn/john, lily allen, the shins, gwen stefani, justin timberlake, cold war kids, the king kong soundtrack, the bravery, timbaland, silversun pickups...as Captain Calamity said, it's like Now That's What I Call Music Volume 47 right here).

The downsides are that the kids aren't really that cute and the actors not that great, but, really, who cares? It's typical Josh Schwartz writing and this show could turn into a good guilty pleasure. I can't wait - I've got my popcorn all ready.

Plus, I'll take my Kristen Bell fix any way I can get it. And did I mention the best thing about this show? No Seth Cohen. Sign me up please!

Random Question of the Day

2007-06-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Reader, I have an etiquette question for you. When you order food for take-out and you pay for it with a credit card, the receipt will come back with the option to add on a tip before you sign the bill. Do you tip, even though the host/hostess has done nothing for you except hand your food over to you, or is the proper etiquette these days to give a tip regardless?

Live Blogging the Top Chef Premiere

2007-06-13T22:16:00.000-07:00

Initial thoughts:

1: Holy shit. There's a new prize this year - a gourmet dream vacation sponsored by Evian in addition to the money and the Aspen Food & Wine Festival. When did that happen?

2: They have good main title music.

4: Holy shit the Versace House. Top Chef must be doing well in the ratings to merit renting the holy gay mecca house. Bravo really knows their demographic.

5: Wow, CJ. Way to be upfront about your false testicle.

5: CJ said "sweet little tiny baby in a manger, what is going on here." I can't tell if he meant that ironically or unironically.

6: Tom doesn't waste any time laying the smackdown. These guys are in for a rough ride - I bet the quickfire challenge has something to do with the Top Chefs recreating what they just ate or using what they just ate in something.

6: Padma and Tom both look hot. And their chemistry and playfulness this year has skyrocketed.

6: Sandee Birdsong has some creepy ass eyes.

7: Are these people stupid or haven't seen the show before?! Why do they look so surprised when Padma and Tom tell them their first quickfire is at the welcome mixer? Seriously.

7: Sweet baby Jesus the first challenge involves an amouse-bouche. The show is trying to kill me. They're tossing everything (including the kitchen sink) at us tonight. All we need is foam or a gelee in the elimination challenge and to make it complete.

8: Do you think these people washed their hands before touching all the oysters and stuff that Tom and Padma are going to eat soon? Maybe they do deserve the big bucks, for eating 15 dishes treated with unwashed hands.

9: How I have missed the awesome Top Chef drum beat.

15: Whoa. Weird awkward shot of Padma there.

15: Now that's where I want to go for my birthday . And they have a hot tub? Top Chef is going all Real World on us here.

16: Tragic personal moment of the day: cue somber violin music.

17: Hey Paula looks to be a fierce train wreck. I'm so there. Way to start dispelling those rumors that you're drunk/hopped up on pills/just plain loco, Paula.

20: Buh-bye, Kenmore. Hello, GE!

22: You know they used the high overhead reverse shot of the chefs walking in solely for the purpose of highlighting Padma's ass in those ridiculous pink pants.

25: Rattlesnake & Eel? BRILLIANT!

25: You go braise your tough as wood Geoduck, Hung.

25: Does anyone else think Dale looks the Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds?

29: The unfurling of the knives! Let Top Chef begin!

33: It really is a shame for Howie because the little urchin dish looked presentable.

36: Will I see No Reservation? Yes, because I love food movies. Will I hate every minute of it? Absolutely. This re-make of the 2001 German feel good hit Mostly Martha looks like a treacly mess, devoid of any original moments. And I hate Catherine Zeta-Jones.

39: Judging table breakdown: Gail looks happy and healthy, Padma still looks hot, Tom's a cute little bulldog, and Anthony Bourdain looks like a disgruntled curmudgeon. Sounds about right.

41: Did Hung just pop some raw geoduck into his mouth?...

43: Group 2 seems way more intense and jacked up than Group 1.

43: Oh! Colicchio agrees with me!

44: I think Hung and Tre are in love. Who knew Top Chef was a matchmaking show too?

45: Wow, two dishes that weren't fully plated in time. When was the last time this happened?

46: Do you think Camille use any herb in her dishes?

47: Question: Why is it spelled "geoduck" but pronounced "goo-ey-duck?" And what on earth IS geoduck?

48: I love that the judges are totally family-styling all the plates.

49: As my friend Captain Calamity said, who on earth would anyone pay 99 cents to vote on who's the tougher judge?

54: Anthony Bourdain sends Padma scurrying back to the corner where her opinions are wrong.

55: Padma tries to demonstrate that despite her verbal beat-down less than a minute ago, she's still BFF with the guest judge by calling him "Tony."

55: Gail lost weight and looks good. Watch your back, Padma.

57: I totally called it! Hung and Tre, making babies in the kitchen.

58: Of course Tre won the first elimination challenge. The judges have always proved over the course of 2 seasons that they value clean & classical over daring & innovative.

60: No girls in the bottom three - yay!

60: Padma's getting all saucy - she doesn't want any extra attention paid to Gail. And look at Tom's cut-a-way reaction to Padma's offer to fry her toe and it'd still taste good (huh?) - they are TOTALLY having a torrid affair in the kitchen.

62: Anthony Bourdain has finally let himself out. Let's give him credit, he behaved for as long as he could. But to berate Howie for not following the rules? Anthony Bourdain lecturing us about the rules of cooking is like Lindsay Lohan lecturing us about the rules of sobriety.

62: OH!!! With all due respect, I counter your rules of cooking, Mr. Bourdain, with my Ecuadarian line cook defense!

65: Apparently Padma's very familiar with the food of Air Cambodia.

72: Of course it was Clay. Ever since he said his father failed before him, was there ever any doubt Clay would tragically be booted off first? I'd make a joke but that just seems really mean. Plus, I thought he had a legitimate game plan with bringing the Southern cooking to Top Chef, so I didn't want him to go right away. But he kinda sucked.

This shit is NUTS

2007-06-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

By now, loyal reader, you may have heard that CBS is renewing their viewer challenged show Jericho, based on a campaign by its loyal fans to deluge the network with nuts. Yes, as in, peanuts. As campaigns go, anything visual is better than a petition, because petitions only take a click of the mouse and typing in a few letters, while sending in physical things requires more commitment (both time and money). Plus, if you've got bags and bags and bags of nuts chilling in your office, it's a little hard to avoid thinking about the show. However, I take offense at Nina Tassler's letter claiming that the campaign was a "probably unprecedented display of passion in support of a prime time television series." Maybe CBS just isn't used to having really good shows with cult followings (this is a theory - to be clear, I am not saying that Jericho is actually a good show). Or maybe CBS is just astounded that their viewers know how to do things like mount a save-a-show campaign via the interwebs. But I think claiming the nuts campaign was an "unprecedented display" is going a little overboard, Nina Tassler. Let's face it - it's frakkin peanuts here. It's no "Veronica Mars, "Everwood, hell, even Angel.

Don't get me wrong - I'm partially glad that Jericho got renewed, if only because it's nice to see loyal fans get rewarded every so often. But Veronica Mars, Angel, and Everwood were cult shows to begin with on baby networks, and the stakes weren't as high then as they are now. CBS has been the number 1 rated network for the past several years and to make such a public showing of this renewal also sets Jericho up as the test case. When it returns next fall, if the ratings are huge, then the fans will be vindicated. But when it returns and fails publicly on the largest network out right now, nobody will ever listen to a "Save-Our-Show" campaign again. Hyperbole, maybe, but you can't argue that the industry will be watching the fall premiere very closely. I hope for the show's sake it does well, but my question is - where were all these loyal viewers when the show dropped off about half its audience when it returned from the fall hiatus? As Alan Sepinwall puts it so succinctly in his blog, it is in the interest of every fan of a cult rated show to watch Jericho because it is put up or shut up time. I just wish it wasn't on Jericho.

It Suddenly Struck Me...

2007-06-07T00:22:00.000-07:00

...Sweep the hair back, give him some stubble, and could favorite office-boy Jim Halpert really be fan favorite Sam Talbot? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Pilot Watch 2007: Lipstick Jungle, Cashmere Mafia, & Big Shots

2007-06-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

Every year, the networks come out with shows with a similar premise and it becomes a race to see which one is better and will outlast the other. This year, our entries in the "Hollywood's all out of ideas" category are ABC's Cashmere Mafia, NBC's Lipstick Jungle, and, in a twist, ABC's Big Shots.

Our entries this year come replete with Hollywood drama, as Cashmere Mafia is produced by Darren Star, he of Sex and the City fame, and Lipstick Jungle is being done by Candace Bushnell, she of Sex and the City fame. The twist is that Star and Bushnell were developing Lipstick together (also based on a novel of Bushnell's, much like SATC), but somewhere along the way, had different takes on the show and parted ways. Star then shopped a version of the same show to ABC behind Bushnell's back. So the rumor goes.

Cashmere revolves around four high-powered New York female friends who bonded together in business school and now support each other in their personal and professional lives. Lipstick is about a trio of high powered New York execs who support each other in their personal and professional lives.

Well, after all this hoopla, which one is the better show and will carry the torch set forth by Sex and the City?

The short answer would be, neither of them, although if I had to honestly choose a winner, I would say Cashmere Mafia, only because it seems to have slightly more direction (and the production values are better) than Lipstick Jungle. However, both are as if they made Sex and the City all over again, without the humor, dirty talk, and fun. Although to be fair, SATC's first season was pretty bad. Regardless, Lipstick ranks slightly lower than Cashmere also because watching these so-called high powered "professional" women, I felt ashamed to be a woman. The show blatantly apologizes at every turn for the success that the women have had, and at no point do they actually credibly make us believe that these women actually had the cool, calm, collected skills to get them to the top. Instead, they appear ditzy, neurotic, lacking all semblance of common sense and business savvy, and perhaps most offensively, frequently apologetic.

In Sex and the City they had Samantha and, to a degree, Miranda, who almost never apologized for their success, both in their profession and in their bedroom conquests. I get the feeling that the ladies of Lipstick would shout their apologies from the rooftops of New York. The verdict's still out on the ladies of Cashmere Mafia, although it's good to see Lucy Liu back on TV. I never really watched Ally McBeal (although I've been told I should definitely check out the earlier seasons on DVD), but Liu was supposed to be awesome as the bitch on it, and anything that takes her out of her present "movie career" is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. I mean, I don't even like Lucy Liu that much and I'm embarrassed for her.

Adding a twist to this year's shows is ABC's Big Shots, the male version of Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives. They should have called this Desperate Househusbands in the City. In short, four high powered male friends bond at their country club and support each other in their personal and professional lives. Seriously, people. It's like they just went back to the "Generic and Cliche'd TV Plots and Characters: Mix and Match For a Hit Show!" book and just lifted elements straight out of it. As to the question "was this show actually any good?" The short answer is, I fell asleep watching it. Does that answer your question?

Where's Lee Anne?

2007-06-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

Next week brings about the return of one of my favorite reality shows, Bravo's Top Chef. But before that happens, this week they will be airing a stand-alone episode Top Chef 4 Star All Stars, featuring the top 4 Season 1 chefs vs. the top 4 Season 2 chefs. Except, instead of Lee Anne Wong, we have Stephen Asprinio. WTF?! For answers, as well as a preview of the all star showdown, click here. I love it when my Top Chef boyfriend Tom Colicchio asks Ilan and Marcel if they've buried the hatchet yet. I for one can't wait to find out.

Why Are There So Many Asian Food Bloggers?!

2007-06-01T23:36:00.000-07:00

I am Asian. I love food. I have a blog. Occasionally I may post about food on my blog. And I love reading food blogs, many of them posted by Asian bloggers. Why is that, you ask? Click here for the answer!

Reasons to Love Barack Obama

2007-06-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

Obama Statement on Pride Month
June 01, 2007

CHICAGO , IL-- U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) today released the following statement to commemorate Pride Month.

"Pride Month is a reminder that while we have come a long way since the Stonewall riots in 1969, we still have a lot of work to do."

"Too often, the issue of LGBT rights is exploited by those seeking to divide us. But at its core, this issue is about who we are as Americans. It's about whether this nation is going to live up to its founding promise of equality by treating all its citizens with dignity and respect."

"It's time to turn the page on the bitterness and bigotry that fill so much of today's LGBT rights debate. The rights of all Americans should be protected -- whether it's at work or anyplace else. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" needs to be repealed because patriotism and a sense of duty should be the key tests for military service, not sexual orientation. Civil unions should give gay couples full rights. And those who commit hate crimes should be punished no matter whether those crimes are committed on account of race, religion, gender identity, or sexual orientation."

"This Pride Month, let's make our founding promise of equality a reality for every American."

For more information on Obama and to read his statement, click here.

Pilot Watch 2007: Bionic Woman & Dirty Sexy Money

2007-06-01T21:00:00.001-07:00

This week I had the opportunity to watch two pilots, one that I was very excited about and one that I approached with mixed ambivalence.

Let's go to the one I was very excited about first: Bionic Woman. I love Battlestar Galactica. I had faith that David Eick could make this show AWESOME and even transcend the fact that the script was written by Laeta Kalogridis. Hell, for a pilot script, it actually wasn't half bad at all. Who doesn't like a female, ass-kicking protagonist? (See Buffy, Alias, and Veronica Mars for some fine examples of some most excellent ass-kicking female protagonist shows. Just don't see Buffy season 7, Alias seasons 4 & 5, and Veronica season 3 if you can help it.) And half the cast of Battlestar is in this show, including Starbuck?! Count me in.

Eagerly I sat down to watch the pilot with Captain Calamity. After all, NBC's betting that Bionic will be their big hit this fall, and it got a pretty good reception at the upfronts. While that really doesn't mean much of anything, I thought it at least stood a chance to be decent.

Wow, was I wrong. As Captain Calamity said, this show just looks CHEAP and poorly done. Maybe they spent too much money on their special effects - who really knows why it looked bad. Regardless, Captain Calamity was right. The sets look flimsy and drab; the dialogue uninspiring; the fight scenes weren't as badass as I really thought they were going to be; and frankly, I just couldn't be bothered to care. And I watch some pretty shitty TV shows. The best part of the pilot really was Ann Veal, who in the draft of the pilot I read (dated January 2007) was a regular teenager but was deaf in the pilot I saw. That wasn't the only large change from the draft, which was 90 pages long, indicating it may have been a 2-hour pilot, and maybe that was the problem. In trying to cut out some 30-odd pages, the show lost a lot of the details and character moments that made it decent, and the end result is something that really does feel like it's slapped together from a book called "Generic and Cliche'd TV Plots and Characters: Mix and Match For a Hit Show!"

Will I give this show a chance? Yes. It's often hard to tell from a pilot just how good a show is going to be, and I believe in giving a show at least 3 episodes to prove whether it's worth a Season Pass on my TiVo or just a pass on the season altogether. Plus, a pilot that is shown during upfronts is oftentimes completely different than the pilot that premieres in the fall; after all, the networks will have had 4 months to tweak and make changes. But will I be holding my breath that it'll get any better? Probably not.

Dirty Sexy Money was a show that I was somewhat excited about. Billed as "the new Dynasty" and starring a pretty solid cast, it sounds like something right up my alley, except I was hesitant. There's something about Peter Krause that causes me to have a love/hate relationship with him. Sportsnight is one of my top 5 favorite shows but he just didn't seem quite comfortable with the trademark Sorkin dialogue; plus there's just a general sense of smugness about him that irks me. I'm sure he's a perfectly pleasant fellow, but since when have we not been judge-y about people based on nothing concrete except our biased opinions?

So I approached Dirty Sexy Money with just a sense of trepidation. I had heard good things but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I had the script but I hadn't read it yet. It wasn't the highest show on my radar. And boy, was I wrong.

That show brought it, and below are a few snippets why (beware: MINOR SPOILERS below):

1. You must really check out the live-streaming video on the
Dirty Sexy Money site to really appreciate the comic timing of the first line, as well as the comic timing of the whole scene:

"KAREN
I've only had A scotch."

"Meanwhile, Jeremy’s on a sofa with MAGNUS, A HUGE DOG.

LETITIA
Jeremy, how many times do I have to tell you, get Magnus off the couch.

JEREMY
Maria! Get Magnus off the couch!

MARIA, A DOMESTIC, rushes in and removes Magnus."

And then later one, when the Darlings are talking completely over one another,

"Letitia picks up a VASE and DROPS IT -- IT SHATTERS!"

Seriously, watch the scene. It works.

2. Any script that classifies a character as a Scotsman and instead of saying he has a really thick Scottish accent, types out the dialogue as follows:

"DECLAN
Because your Da’s financin’ tha whole predooction!"

"Of coorse! Ye doon’t think ye can ahct, do ye? Don’chee see the looks on e-eryone’s moogs while you squi’ and squaw’ your wheay through the lines, ye dodgy wee twig -- or are ye blind as well? Yer a nightmeer!"

"She stepped onto the steege, that’s what wint wrong! She couldn’t act ‘er wheay oot of a pay-er bahg, mate, let alone a pleay!"

3. "JEREMY
It won’t do any good. He thinks I’m a loser. And he’s right, I mean -- look at me. I can’t even win a yacht without getting arrested. I have the worst life in the world."

4. "NICK
No, I’m not going into a hotel room and giving a tranny hooker a check."

5. "JULIET
Taxi! TAXI!
(to the PASSING TAXI)
Hey! Dumbass! You’re poor!"

The show manages to do what Desperate Housewives did in its pilot but then promptly lost the ability to do, which therefore meant it lost it's relatability: take an over-the-top world and ground it with real people, real emotion, and real human fallacy. And real snappy dialogue. Between this, Pushing Daisies, and the potential of Private Practice, Wednesday nights on ABC is going to be HOT next season.

Pilot Watch 2007: Pushing Daisies

2007-05-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

In TV speak, the May Upfronts are a hectic, sleep-deprived, dog-and-pony-show filled week when all the major networks reveal their fall lineups to prospective advertisers and media publications. It is the culmination of pilot season: hundreds of scripts cut down into about a hundred that get filmed, which finally gets whittled down to the precious few that get the golden ticket to a fall premiere date.

In an attempt to help my dear readers sort out what they need to make room for on their TiVo's this upcoming fall season, I will attempt to get my greedy little paws on all the pilots I can and give you a first impression of these shows. Bear in mind, shows will inevitably be rewritten, recast, tweaked, and/or changed entirely in next few months, so a stinker now could be badass come September (or vice versa), so don't hold me to what I say.

First up: ABC's quirky Pushing Daisies.

Already I like it because of the talent involved: Bryan Fuller, who created the good Dead Like Me and the even better Wonderfalls (and introduced us to the awesome Caroline Dhavernas); Lee Pace, who was the brother in Wonderfalls, also was in an amazing little movie called A Soldier's Girl; Anna Friel, besides being totally cute, originated the role of Alice (suck that Natalie Portman) in Patrick Marber's play Closer when it came to Broadway in 1999. And she rocked in that, even though she was playing opposite Natasha frakkin' Richardson, who KILLS in anything she does on Broadway. Kristin Chenoweth, who even though she's the original "Crazy Christian," still was amazing in the 1999 production I saw of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown (not to mention she was in a little musical called Wicked) and is all about being gay-friendly (she even played gay in the uber-rainbow friendly movie Running With Scissors). Chi McBride and Swoosie Kurtz round out this great cast.

All that aside, is the STORY actually any good? The visuals are great, the cast has crackling chemistry, the dialogue has Fuller's trademark blend of whimsy and quirk mixed with a touch of dark humor, and let's just say that if you were a fan of the movie Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain (I refuse to call it Amelie - I saw it in France under the original title and that's how it will always be known to me), you'll LOVE this show. It's essentially an Americanized TV version of that movie. With death. And pies.

Check out this promo clip:

And this badly dubbed-from-the-TV version of promo trailer:

Will you be making room for this on your TiVo, dear readers? I know what my answer will be.

Golden Compass Update!

2007-05-22T11:17:00.001-07:00

Somehow, I've dubbed myself the chronicler of all things Golden Compass for my legions of readers. Yesterday came the news that the first official trailer has been released! I'm not sure how I feel about the trailer - the film looks sleek and the effects pretty solid, but I'm not sure how well it does at trying to sell the movie itself. Based on this trailer, dear reader, would you go see it?

There Is Joy in Mudville Today!!!

2007-05-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

NBC has just announced that the Dillon Panthers will be back to defend their State Title!!! Every so often, TV gets it right. Let's hope this is the start of a lot of rights for next week's Upfront Presentations...I'm looking at YOU, Dawn Ostroff.

TV on DVD

2007-05-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

If you took a look at my Netflix Queue you'd notice that I've had the seminal early 90's TV favorite My So-Called Life on my list for quite some time now. However, it's release date has always been listed as "unknown" even though I'm POSITIVE at some point the series had finally come out on DVD. I never knew why it came out and then disappeared so quickly, but this week came the news (read: more rumors) that there will be a re-release of the show, potentially done by the same people who put out the great Freaks & Geeks boxed set. All I can is, it's about frakkin' time.

She's a Man, Baby!

2007-05-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

What Would Your Dæmon Be? Pt. 2

2007-05-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

The Golden Compass website has just launched and it features an interactive section where you can take a test to determine what your dæmon will be. Mine says I'm a "Whippet Dæmon" whose personality traits include being spontaneous, modest, inquisitive, flexible and assertive. Not too shabby. An interesting side note about dæmons that I had forgotten - a dæmon is typically the opposite sex as its human partner (the obvious assumption is that they represent one's yin and yang); I wonder if in Pullman's world a dæmon and human can ever be the same sex?

Also? I still maintain that I'm a monkey. No disservice to the emaciated looking hound I'm paired with though.

Golden Compass Update!

2007-05-03T23:44:00.000-07:00

How do you sell a movie that provokes thought, that is more than just fantasy and more than just a holiday blockbuster? You come out with a killer teaser poster that manages to set a tone evoking both the magical and wondrous elements as well as sow the seeds for something more. Seeing this poster certainly makes me ask - what is the Golden Compass and what can it do? And I certainly can't wait to find out.

Lessons in Talk Show Etiquette

2007-05-01T04:22:00.000-07:00

Watch Ryan Gosling on Ellen's show - this is how you should be as a guest.

Watch Alec Baldwin on The View - this is how you should never be, in general.

Bonus Video:

We all knew JC and Justin were on the MIckey Mouse Club - did you know Ryan Gosling was on it too?

UPDATE

2007-05-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

I'M BACK!! More stories from the wanderlust to come, but nothing's better after lots of traveling than a long hot shower and a good sleep in your own bed. Although, clearly, jet lag hasn't really helped me with the latter.

Making Lemons Out of Lemonade...With All My Bags In Tow

2007-04-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

In an effort to update my non-existant readers about my non-existant life, I have recently been remiss in my blogging duties due to scrambling about in preparation for my upcoming (or, already-upon-me) vacation. Now that I am on said vacation, I finally have a time to inform my dear readers about my lovely sojourn to Berlin. How lovely is my vacation so far? Well, so far I've lost 1 piece of jewelry that, although inexpensive, is quite dear to me and without it, I feel naked (think of the "Carrie" necklace in theSex and the City finale episode); I was sent to wait in the incorrect line at check-in and then subsequently, in my new line, checked in incorrectly. What does this mean? Well, instead of taking advantage of my 8+ hour layover in Chicago to actually venture in to briefly explore the Windy City (I hear they have a most excellent exhibit going on right now, (and the museum was right by Grant Park, Millenium Park, the "Bean," and right along the waterfront, which would have made for a nice stroll to stretch the legs before the third (out of four) flights to get to my final destination), I am stuck at the airport because I am saddled with all my baggage, which I had to claim and will have to then RECHECK and RESCAN in when I can finally check in for my European leg. Which I can't do until 5 hours after I officially landed in Chi-Town. Which means, yours truly is officially stuck at the airport for the entire 8 hours, because there's really no place one can stash a suitcase while one jets away for a quick daytrip into town. I can report that there is a Pizzeria Uno at the International Terminal's scant food court (as well as the ubiquitous McDonald's) - you'd think it would be better than something like Sbarro's, but alas, that would be an incorrect assumption. Surprise of the day? While Cincinnati was cold, wet, and stepping outside to walk to my tiny little connecting plane (it was one of those, cross the tarmac and walk up the stairs yourself planes) the air smelled faintly like fish, their connecting terminal had by far the nicest bathrooms and comfiest chairs, not to mention outlets a-plenty scattered throughout the terminal. And a Dunkin Donuts!!! Who knew? Chalk one up for Ohio. You probably wouldn't otherwise hear me say those words too often.

My ass hurts and the prospect of sitting for another 9+ hours to have to endure another layover is both mind and butt-numbing. At least I have the prospect of airport crepes to look forward to. There goes the diet. How do you say "stretch pants" in German?

UPDATE
The longest day in the world gets longer. It's like I'm Jack Bauer or something. Minus the killing people, torture, and cougars chasing my daughter. For those keeping score at home, here are a few new developments...
Minus: My connecting flight to France has now been delayed for THREE MORE HOURS. That leaves me 1.5 hours to make my connecting flight in Paris.
Plus: I finally got to check my suitcase in.
Minus: That still doesn't really leave me with enough time to actually go into the city of Chicago.

Verdict: By the time I (hopefully) leave, I will have spent a total of 11+ hours in the O'Hare international terminal, pacing back and forth like an old homeless lady so that I don't sit all day and then all night on the plane. All in all, the first full day of my vacation is definitely not turning out in a way that makes me happy right now.

Things to look forward to: did you know that if you request a vegetarian meal they give you three options? Who knew? Not me, since I'm usually a meat eater. But in my hippie dippie LA-ness, I've become afraid of airplane meat (but not airport pizza or donuts. I don't live logically, ok?) The three options are vegan, vegetarian with dairy, and "asian." When pressed for what asian constitutes, none of the airlines could give me a semi-logical answer, ranging from "it's the spices" to "you know, more asian oriented fare" (that response came from the plane with the breakfast meal, prompting me to think, "are you going to serve me congee on this flight?" I was too afraid to look behind door number 3, so unfortunately this question will have to get answered another day.

I knew the ring was a bad omen. Let's hope it gets better, people.

Just Another Night in the Valley

2007-04-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

Let's play a little game of question and answer...

Q: What did you do last night?
A: Oh, you know, the usual Tuesday night. Met up with some friends.

Q: Where did you go?
A: Some place in the valley.

Q: Was there anything special about this place?
A: They do karaoke on Tuesday nights.

Q: Is that all?...
A: Why are you asking? What did you see? Where's the tape?!

Q: How would you describe the experience?
A: ........

Long live the Assistant Mafia and the return of Cort's Angels!

Clip Show Tuesday

2007-04-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

Stevie Nicks' Fajita Round-Up

Can you guess who is playing Stevie Nicks in this sketch?

Didn't know she could sing? Watch her duet in one of my all-time favorite karaoke songs (special shout out to my old Sight & Sound Film crew...btw, I went to Broome Street. There was no one there, damnit. What else was I supposed to do but go back?)

That sound you hear is the most fantastic train wreck occuring on your computer screen. I think my favorite part has to be whatever wind machine they've got going on. Wait, I'm sorry. I've never watched this show. I think my new favorite part has be the celebrity judges. WTF!?

This may possibly be the BEST musical ever made.

This is old but I still love it. You should too. Are you watching yet?

"I keep it because it reminds me of my brother..."

If you don't know the genius of this man yet, well, fie on you. Your loss. Also, Naked Chef! It doesn't get better than that. (special thanks to EW's PopWatch for pointing me towards this moment of brilliance.)

And this concludes another edition of Clip Show Tuesday. Seriously, what did we do before YouTube?

How To Get To Paris, France

2007-04-06T16:42:00.000-07:00

1. Go to Google maps.
2. Click "get directions."
3. Type "New York, NY" in one box and "Paris, France" in the second.
4. Follow the directions, especially # 23.

P.S. Don't forget to take the slight right at E05. That's vital.

Clip Show Tuesday

2007-04-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

We elected these guys?!

Bring back Stephen Colbert!

Welcome to Hollywood, Vin Diesel!

World's second largest game of Tetris:

Too many joints in college lead to this idea?

First off, 10,000 pounds is, well, a lot of money. But this is just priceless.

Manhattan Mini Storage Ads:

There's Nothing We Can't Face...Except for Bunnies

2007-04-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

I don't think I can even begin to talk about how great Buffy the Vampire Slayer was. I mean, it's my all time favorite TV show. For 6 seasons (we'll just pretend like season 7 didn't happen), it dwarfed the competition, and it still does, to this day. There are so many ingenius classic episodes that I can't even list them all, and chief among them was Joss Whedon's Season 6 masterpiece (and I'm not using that word lightly at all) Once More, With Feeling. Known as "the musical episode," Joss wrote all the music and lyrics as well as directed this heartbreaking episode that manages to do what Buffy does best: mix humor, pathos, and blistering wit and originality into one (plus) hour of prime-time television. Plus, it actually manages to further the plot (as opposed to the other shows that have gimmicky episodes without substance just for the sake of the "yo" factor or are just second-rate ripoffs - I'm looking at you, Scrubs) and in true Joss fashion, he manages to both send up and pay homage to the genre.

An East Coast group (and you thought I was a giant dork?) has been holding Rocky Horror-type sing-a-longs to Once More, With Feeling, and on April 20th, the West Coast finally gets its own show. This past March was the 10th anniversary of Buffy's premiere on the now-defunct WB, and to commemorate the occasion, some of the fan groups have teamed together with the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation to stage a one night only event. Details can be found on the flyer or here, and I strongly urge you to go and sing your little hearts out if you're available. I, in what amounts to a case of the worst possible timing ever, will unfortunately be out of the country at that time, so even if you don't do it for the kids, do it for me.

Some clips excerpted below - really, in trying to find clips to post, I had a hard time choosing and debated just trying to find the damn thing in its entirety to post online. This is just TV at its finest. For a split second I debated cancelling my trip. NOW you can call me a geek.

"Standing/Under Your Spell/Standing (Reprise)"

"Walk Through The Fire"

"Where Do We Go From Here"

And let's not forget, the best digression ever! from 0:57 seconds in to minute 1:58:

Darkly Dreaming Dexter

2007-04-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I was too hard on Showtime in my previous post. After all, when HBO first started trying to get into quality scripted television, it gave us shows like Arli$$, which was anything but quality. So maybe we just have chalk up The L Word as one of Showtime's examples of trial and error. After all, in the time since then, Showtime has given us some quality shows in the form of Weeds, Brotherhood, Sleeper Cell, and now, Dexter. I had heard good buzz about Dexter but missed it when it aired, only managing to catch an episode here and there, and, like people who don't watch movies after they've started, I opted to wait to catch the first season in its entirety either on reruns or on DVD. And boy, was that wait worth it.

People who know me know I have an addictive personality. Indeed, the joke about me is that I'm addicted to addictions, especiially when it comes in the form of television. When I first Netflixed Popular I had no idea what I was getting into. A few days of going to bed at 4 and 5am later, I was hooked, and I tore through the series as quickly as I got the DVD's in my mailbox, often putting them back in the mail the same day I received the DVD. I caught up on Battlestar between seasons 2 and 3, and when I accumulated all the episodes from Season 1 and 2 on my TiVo, I sat down and didn't emerge until the weekend was over and I had made it through the 40 episodes leading up to the third season. This is who I am and what I do, and this past weekend, I did that with Showtime's Dexter. Thanks for a tip from my friend G-Rod, I realized that for whatever reason, Showtime sent out its Emmy screeners this week, which seems insanely early in the season for screeners; I guess they wanted to get a head start on the process - hey, I don't care. It worked out for the best for me, so thank you Showtime! Included in the screeners packet was the entire first season of Dexter, a show based on a series of novels about a forensics analyst who specializes in bloodstain pattern analysis for the Miami-Dade Police Department by day and is a serial killer by night

I popped the DVD's in Friday night and didn't turn off the TV until 8am the next morning, when sleep finally overtook me 1.5 episodes before I was done with the first season. I woke up the next morning and proceeded to finish off the impeccably done first season, which alternately left me breathless, shocked, and wanting more. I LOVE shows with dark subject matter, and this one definitely didn't disappoint - the characters were well rendered, the individual storylines tight (and not dragged out longer than necessary), and the arc for Season 1 was exceptionally well done, with lots of twists and turns that led somewhere. When all was said and done, characters were irrevocably changed, and I for one can't wait to see what they do in Season 2.

Cable channels in the past 5-10 years have really invigorated the TV medium and made it possible to have shows with anti-hero lead characters; Tony Soprano paved the way for Vic Mackey, who in turn paved the way for Dr. House, and it all comes full circle back to cable with Dexter, a character that I don't think could have existed anywhere else but on paid cable TV. What's also equally amazing about this show is that TV is always looking for the next cool premise - what's the "wow" factor that will bring audiences in?, but once they've got a cool concept, they have no idea how to make a good story out of it. I think FX's Dirt is a prime example of this - here was a show set in a fascinating world that I think had a lot of promise, but all the characters felt like caricatures of something else and the storylines were dull and uninspired. Dirt kept trying to shock and wow us with how hip they were, with their wink-wink-nudge-nudge nod to the theatre of modern day celebrity, but all their attempts at coolness didn't help mask the fact that there was no substance to the show and no relatability at all, and as a result, the show felt dull and lifeless (pardon the phrase). On the other hand, Dexter strikes me as a prime example of a show that takes a captivating premise and manages to actually do something with its fantastical world. It didn't need to unncessarily shock us just because it could - the organic moments within the storylines themselves were disturbing enough. The show's greatest coup is that it completely succeeds in managing to make a character like Dexter into a completely sympathetic anti-hero with all different shades of grey. He's just like all of us, on the search for who he really is; he just happens to have a different set of extracurricular activities from the rest of us.

Check out a Showtime promo bit below as well as the show's main credit sequence - even the credits are playful in a twisted way.

Holy Frak! What the L Happened on Sunday!?

2007-04-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, while most of the network TV world was on March hiatus, I had the distinct experience of watching the season finales to two extremely different cable shows. Their profound differences aside, however, they both managed to give me faith and hope in TV, albeit in two very disparate ways.

First up was the season finale to The L Word. For those of you have seen this show, well, my condolences. You know what I'm talking about. For those of you who have never seen this show, let me save you the trouble: DON'T. While The L Word was never amazing TV, it did start out with some semblance of promise. It had a pretty diverse cast, the characters were fun, and I do have to give it credit for being semi-groundbreaking and picking the baton from its predecessor Queer As Folk. With each successive season though (the fourth season having just finished airing) the promise gave way to character assasination, muddled plotting, and contrived circumstances. Once likable characters did a complete 180 to total bitch without any reasoning or inclination. Storylines about the dissolution of a gay family took the cheap story route of baby-napping (this after the bride was left at the altar by the other bride). Interesting storylines about gay adoption, transgender stereotypes, and sexual identity quickly fell into cliche'd Lifetime movie status. Nowhere is this more frustating than the story of Mia Kirchner's "Jenny Schecter." Jenny, an aspiring writer, moved from the midwest with her swim-coach fiance (played by Ugly Betty's Eric Mabius), became ensorcelled with the gay life and had a torrid affair with European exotic Karina Lombard (and also with some guy who took her to see manatees at the aquarium - don't ask), which threatened her relationship with Swim Coach. Then she proceeded to: take in a video voyeur as a roommate, work as a stripper at a club, have some weird-ass pointless dreams about a creepy carnival which led to some repressed sexual memories about familial sexual abuse that lead her to become a cutter. Wait, there's more! She dates a transgendered person (and perhaps Jenny Schecter's largest grievance is introducing us to the "talents" of Daniela Sea), writes a thinly veiled fictionalized book about her lesbian friends that gets optioned for movie rights, turns into a giant egocentric bitch, gets a horrible write-up about her book from journalist Dawn Wiener, and then decides to get back at the journalist for daring to have an negative opinion about her great masterpiece. How does she decide to get back at said journalist? She makes up a new name for herself, adopts a dog and brings it to the vet, who just HAPPENS to be said journalist's girlfriend. She bonds with the girlfriend, tries to break up the vet's relationship with journalist girl, and puts down the poor dog, thus eliciting sympathy from the vet girlfriend; then she gets caught in her web of lies, and what does she decide to do? Live in blissful ignorance and adopt a new dog! Be a bitch to her friend who got her movie optioned, be a totally self-centered writer who thinks she's Shakespeare and they should worship her as such, and bring the new dog to an important studio meeting with studio heads and then let the dog pee everywhere. In the meeting. Then Jenny decides that no one likes her (I wonder why), and she decides to MAROON HERSELF IN AN INFLATABLE RAFT OFF THE COAST OF MALIBU. I'm not kidding. I wish I were. I'm not even doing this evolution justice, but I'm sure, dear reader, that you get the idea. This is quality storytelling here. Imagine stories of this genius and multiply it by the cast of at least 10+ people, each with their own equally ludicrous storylines. What could have been a fun, soapy show that used its attractive premise to deftly and subtlely tell innovative stories about the gay community, instead, well, can't even tell stories that are coherent.

(Watch the crazy Jenny at the boardroom scene from 0:27 seconds in to minute 2:15. This isn't even good drama, people. It's cringe-inducing awkwardly done television. )

How The L Word manages to attract semi-B/C list talent, both in the writing, directing, and acting departments is beyond me (Guest contributors include Allison Anders, Kimberly Pierce, Burr Steers, Rosanna Arquette, Goldfrapp, Tony Goldwyn, Marlee Matlin, Cybill Shepherd, Annabella Sciorra, and GARRY FRACKIN' MARSHALL...). I know I watch The L Word out of some misconstrued sense of loyalty to the cause or some other equally ridiculous explanation, and the only way I can explain the decent talent attached is because I think they also feel like they have to support the cause (the gay cause, the forward movement of feminism, insert your own trite cliche here). But I ask the question - shouldn't the cause be worthy of supporting? That they should give us something to actually get behind, some substance for the debate, as opposed to just taking the cause and thinking that hiding behind the label is enough to carry us forward? I can't help but feel frustrated that The L Word is standing centerstage on the soapbox and instead of saying anything at all, they're just there to look pretty. And crazy.

Where is the hope in this, you ask? Well, the only hope that I gleen from The L Word these days is the proof that in Hollywood, you don't necessarily have to have talent to make it. If Ilene Chaiken (who claims Jenny Schecter is the character most like herself - this should have been our first warning sign) can get a show on the air and keep it, despite an utter lack of understanding of good storytelling, I'd like to think me and my far more talented friends stand a chance. And that is a comforting thought.

Right after I watched the season finale to The L Word I followed it up with the season finale to Sci-Fi channel's Battlestar Galactica. What's amazing is that the contrast between these two shows could not be greater, especially in watching both finales back to back. Battle is a PRIME example of intelligent, subtle, subversive, probing, and, most importantly, entertaining television. They've taken a show set in this alternative world (bear in mind t) and made its subject matter timely, thought-provoking, and very ambiguous - there is no clear cut right and wrong; instead, this is a show that enourages debate. The characters are utterly human with completely realistic flaws, and most importantly, these characters and storylines are relatable to our real world. If you got me started on the jaw-dropping two-part finale I'd probably never stop, so I'll just say this - holy frak. They know how to tell a good story and end a season.

(MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!!)

From the Adama/Adama showdown scene in part 1 where Lee turns in his wings to the Lee/Roslin scene on the court, where Roslin is getting stabbed in the back by the closest thing she has to a son, to the trial of Gaius Baltar and shifty Romo Lampkin, to the crazy revelations in the final 15 minutes of part 2 of the finale...whew.

(Final minutes of the finale below)

SPOILERS OVER

If you aren't watching this show, well, you should be.

Check out the previews for the Battlestar finale part 1 and part 2, and tell me if it doesn't look like damn riveting television.

(Or check the Sci-Fi recaps for part 1 and part 2.)

Where I lose faith in television with shows like The L Word, shows like Battlestar Galactica give me enormous hope that intelligent and provacative television can still be made, all the while remembering to make it entertaining as well. And this is a sure sign of the medium at its best, when it ingeniusly manages to both entertain and challenge us at the same time. Well done, Battlestar. The lesbians could learn a thing or two from you. Maybe if they sent Jenny Schecter into space, the show might stand a chance.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Jacket Cover

2007-03-28T23:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, my dear muggle readers! Today comes some exciting news about another of Q's favorite fiction series (not everything can be about His Dark Materials, after all) - the final covers for the last Harry Potter book have been unveiled! Check them out and weigh in below!

The US book jacket cover:

Scholastic has a nifty little feature on their website where you can magnify the cover for hints - be sure to check it out anyways, since like all of Mary GrandPré's illustrations for the US verions, the jacket is a wrap-around cover, and this picture above doesn't even include He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

The UK Children's edition:

The UK Adult edition (yes, the UK has two different versions that they release):

I've always liked GrandPré's illustrations, I like the simplicity and starkness of the UK adult edition, but the UK children's edition is on crack or something. Seriously, people?

BONUS QUESTION: Which cover gives away the most hints about the plot and which cover do you like the best? Just remember - 114 days and counting!

Notes From the Underbelly

2007-03-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

Good news, dear readers! One of my favorite pilots from last May (yes, you read that right - last. May.) didn't get on the fall schedule for the 2006-2007 season, instead getting shelved for "midseason" so that comedies like "The Knights of Prosperity" could get a shot at the bigtime. Well, they failed. And finally "Notes From the Underbelly" is getting some airtime (and let's discuss how April 12th still counts as "midseason," btw.). What's more exciting than that? Well, in order to give this show a chance, ABC has just decided that it's getting the prime post-Grey's Anatomy time slot and will air back-to-back episodes for the month of April. Now while this show isn't exactly ground breaking, earth shattering TV (RIP Arrested Development), the show is a fun little romp that's smart and well done. Plus, it has an appealing cast of characters, including Captain Calamity's and my fave, Rachael Harris, who is always reason enough to tune into anything.

Does this look like it could be a worthy permanent addition to your weekly TiVo viewing habits? Weigh in below!

One Word: Asia-dillas

2007-03-27T22:27:00.000-07:00

This just in from our friends at La.Eater: apparently a branch of AsiaSF will be making it's way down to Los Angeles, and fittingly enough, it will be opening in Hollywood, next door to the Pantages Theatre and the new W Hotel. And I think Eater sums it best when they say "Boutique hotel hipsters, Walk of Fame tourists, The Lion King, and "gender illusionists."" Yea, people, you read that right. Gender. Illusionists. AWESOME.

BONUS ADDENDUM: Want to eat at one of LA (and apparently, America's) 50 best restaurants AND get a discount off your very expensive dinner? Sit at the worst table!

BONUS QUESTION: Has anyone tried the newly reopened Vito's Pizza? Not having lived in Los Angeles for that long, I guess I don't know the magic of Vito's, but the Chowhounders, they are having a little bit of a shit-fit about its re-opening. I tend to be skeptical - anytime anyone tells me a restaurant in LA is SO fabulous (although this applies most directly to Indian and Thai food), I end up fairly disappointed. Is it better or worst than the NY approximations like Mulberry St. and Albano's?

Three Strikes and Nobody Will Watch?

2007-03-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

Today's LA Times has an interesting article about a Jon Stewart produced Comedy Central show called "Three Strikes" that never got picked up. Much like Bill Lawrence's "Nobody's Watching," this pilot has made its way online and now plebeians like you and I can go and judge for ourselves whether the network was a bonehead for letting the show go or whether they were right in passing. The intranets are starting to affect the way we see TV, and it's giving the average viewer without a Nielson cable box (don't even get me started on that!) a chance to potentially change what they see on their TV screens.

How legit a forum is this for judging whether execs made the right or wrong decision? Hindsight is 20/20, after all, and whether we like it or not, entertainment is part of a conglomerate. While we'd like to believe that shows are created to serve and cater to us the viewer, we frequently forget that much like anything else, entertainment is first and foremost a business, and as such, in order to mount these shows, they must be able to sell the show in order to make the show. (Don't worry, I'm not about to go into a debate about art vs. commerce, but I'm just saying - it's gotta sell somehow, right?) The networks are unfortunately restricted on all sides by various different pressures, and as such, it's hard for them to be unique. Their whole existence is about not toeing the line and staying in the inoffensive middle ground. Goldstein quotes former WB exec Jordan Levin, who argues that if there truly is an audience for something, someone somewhere will create an outlet for this media to be seen. If you look at the rise of FOX, the CW (formerly the WB and UPN networks), FX, HBO, Showtime, Comedy Central...heck, even TNT, TBS, AMC, WE, Oxygen, and Spike TV, Levin has a point. Even on the internets, sites such as Channel 101 and YouTube have formed as an outlet for the aspiring entertainer to get their goods seen, and channels such as MTV, VH1, and E! have held contests looking for new media. Any day now we'll hear about a cable channel whose specific purpose is to play viewer submitted shorts 24/7 (unless it already exists. Does it?); it will be a YouTube experience on your Hi-Def flatscreen.

Let us also not forget that while we are raising our arms in protest at the lack of good entertainment on the networks, we haven't really helped our cause all that much. Our generation, as an audience, is not as reliable as the older age bracket. Our attention span is shorter and our wallets lighter. YouTube is mostly prowled by that coveted young demographic (and someone please explain to me how 18-49 is actually a demographic?!), and while we may tend to coast towards darker, snarkier, and more alternative fare (and someone please smack me for using the term "alternative" - what are we, in 1992 here?), let's face it - most of America doesn't lean that way. Even IF they put "Nobody's Watching" on network TV, would anybody actually watch? Bill Lawrence's other show, "Scubs," has been on TV for 6+ seasons now, and while the show is currently far from the creative high from the earlier seasons, it has got to still be better than "Rules of Engagement," but on its best day the audience for "Scrubs" is miniscule. For some inexplicable reason, America likes "The King of Queens" over "30 Rock;" they like "NCIS," "CSI: Miami," and "Crossing Jordon" over "Battlestar Galactica," "Buffy," and "Freaks & Geeks." We bemoan a lack of more risk-taking programming, but when it comes, do we support it? Even when networks have repeatedly given chances to amazing shows (see "Development, Arrested" and "Mars, Veronica"), maybe sometimes we're just too stupid to actually watch. And if that's the case, how can we blame the networks for not trying?

Now I'm not trying to entirely exonerate the networks here - I completely disagree with the way the media conglomerates are cracking down on their failed shows leaking onto the web (you canned the show - who cares if anyone watches it? Nobody's making or losing money off of it anymore), I also think the elitist viewer (such as myself) needs to put our money where our mouth is, or, at least, our fanny where the couches are. I'm not trying to say that we should cut the networks some slack here, but, really, if they put something great and on TV and nobody really is watching, who is there to blame?

Eventually, all the "Three Strikes" and "Nobody's Watchings" will get made somewhere else, and it will find an audience, and the networks will see that and think to themselves - "man, we've got to make some hip, edgy TV - that shit's hot right now!" (well, maybe they won't say it like that), and it will challenge them to then step up to the plate, and the cycle then comes full circle. And whose to say that we, the generation whatever-we-are, won't then turn our noses up at it and say - "well, this has become so mainstream that I'm no longer interested in it?" and the cycle starts all over again.

Maybe there will be a great crossover show that just hasn't surfaced yet - something that will simultaneously appease the "Buffy" fan and the "CSI" fan. A revolution is a-coming, and I just wonder if it's possible that we exact change without any bloodshed along the way.

BONUS QUESTION: Since I am obviously conflicted over this issue, tell me, dear reader: What are your thoughts on this matter? Should failed pilots be put online? Who's right and who's wrong, and what needs to happen?

Clip Show Tuesday

2007-03-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't watched the Simpsons in ages, but thanks to New Jersey Star-Ledger TV critic Alex Sepinwall, I got a chance to see what I've been missing. Is this the best Simpsons opening ever? You be the judge.

Maybe if my parents had seen this commercial, they wouldn't have wanted me to go with a Japanese car?

And because good things come in three, I'm including an old SNL commercial. Ah, Mom Jeans.

Ok, I lied. I love this one too.

Maybe Dick Cheney takes these for Mary?

And finally (I swear!), special thanks to Captain Calamity for pointing me to this clip. It's like the WWF Smackdown! Except better. I think we should all take out our rulers right now and compare gavel sizes. I think Boxer wins by default since she has one and Inhofe doesn't. Ahem.

Tales From the Assistant Dredges: the "I Not a Mexican" Saga

2007-03-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

As my many loyal readers (to my day-old blog) knows, I work for an entertainment semi-bigwig (bigger in his own mind than in actuality, as is often the case). Recently I have been more involved in the house affairs of said honcho (who, for the sake of anonymity, we'll henceforth refer to as "London"). Like many in Los Angeles, London and his housewife Queen Diva have recently been plagued with the problem of finding good house help. You'd think that in a town like LA, where immigrants probably constitute the second largest work force behind the entertainment industry, that wouldn't be such a problem to find good help. However, Queen Diva is notoriously picky and demanding, and since yours truly works in the house, there is often little to separate professional workspace from the private life. Let me regale you, dear reader, with two anecdotes that exemplify a day at my lovely job:

TALE #1:

Nanny #5 (5 in the past 11 months - we'll call her P) is leaving/Queen Diva is firing here (again) due to "disagreements." P thinks she can get paid more elsewhere and have better working conditions (she's probably not wrong about that). Loyal housekeeper O is also interviewing elsewhere, in the hopes of securring either a: full-time occupation, b: benefits, or c: both. Queen Diva tells both P & O that while they probably could get paid more elsewhere, they most certainly would also get treated like they were vermin. Queen Diva and London make it a policy to pay not in the highs and lows, but a median salary because they treat their help with respect (and by "respect" we mean "like shit and P hates coming to work everyday because Queen Diva is just a control freak who takes it out on her and is never happy and Queen Diva doesn't give P or O any (paid) vacation days or sick days unless they've been there at least a year."). Whew. Still following? Queen Diva's argument is that while the help may get paid better elsewhere, their new prospective bosses will also treat them much worse because the bosses are white and superior (and here, dear reader, let me interject by saying Queen Diva is of the Caucasian pigment while London is not. Now this is clearly a case of the pot calling the kettle black - or, in this instance, white, but I digress.). Back to Queen Diva's point - that the white and superior prospective new bosses will think they're better than O because she's from...and here Queen Diva says "the South...South America." And this is the point where your loyal narrator loses her shit because O is from EL SALVADOR.

TALE #2:

Now that Nanny "P" has left, Queen Diva has hired a new nanny, whom we'll call "M." Today is M's very first day at the house of tacky and self-delusion, and she is both young and of some sort of Asian persuasion, much like your very own narrator. Well, your devoted raconteur prefers not to interact too much with the house help, because then they will make me watch the kids or try to siphon off information on their job security from me or otherwise distract me from more pressing duties such as contributing to my new blog. Well, today both London and Queen Bee both asked me (separately) if I asked M what type of yellow she is. I replied that I had not inquired this of M. "Why not?" they responded. Frankly, dear reader, I don't care. What business of mine is it what color on the yellow spectrum M is? Why the fuck do I even care? Do they think that we will be instantly bonded because we both hail from the largest continent in the world? Do I ask you, Queen Bee, if you're Irish or German or Scandinavian or any other country in the world?

On second thought, gentle reader, perhaps if I asked this of M, then I could save Queen Bee from another case of the "I Not a Mexicans."

BONUS QUESTION: Tell me, dear reader, what is your favorite tale from the dredges?

What Would Your Dæmon Be?

2007-03-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

Those who know me know that I am a lover of all forms of entertainment. And in the year 2007, there is no greater example of why I love movies than the upcoming holiday release (yes, I'm already thinking about December) of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials (take that, Spiderman and Pirates 3!). For those of you who have no idea what this series is about and think it's just New Line's attempt to capitilize on The Lord of the Rings-esque trilogy/fantasies (it definitely is, judging by the opening shot below. But we forgive New Line because they're actually getting this movie made), let me tell you right now, it is so much more than that. Yes, there's fantasy. Yes, they'll probably market it as some feel-good holiday genre movie. Yes, it will have all the hopes and expectations of New Line riding on it (and all my hopes that it won't fail miserably) as well, but first and foremost, this series is about, well, actually, it is about so many things that I wouldn't even know where to begin.

First off, if they manage to pull this movie off in the spirit of the novels, it will be dark and seriously messed up. Condemnation of the hypocrisy of the Church? Check. Theology? Check. Physics, Metaphysics, Philosophy, Religion, and a retelling of John Milton's Paradise Lost? Check, check, check, check, and...check. Armoured Polar Bears? Flying Witches? The anti-Chronicles of Narnia? Check, check, and an emphatic CHECK on the last one please. And, my favorite aspect of His Dark Materials? Pullman's creation of dæmons, which is essentially a physical manifestation of your soul, usually in an animal form.

This movie is so perfectly cast that I want to cry, and hopefully its list of stars will drag people to the theatre so this 160 million dollar movie won't bomb and they'll actually make the The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass, which is where the novels really take a turn into the philosophically bizarre and shit REALLY starts to hit the fan. Nicole Kidman is PERFECTLY cast as the cold, beautiful, manipulative Mrs. Coulter; Daniel Craig is also an excellent choice for arrogant, powerful, intimidating Lord Asriel; Eva Green (in a mini-Bond reunion) will probably be great as Serafina Pekkala, the beautiful Queen of the Northern Witches; and the search for the perfect Lyra Belacqua took almost as long as the search for Harry Potter, and by all accounts, Dakota Blue Richards will not disappoint.

The original screenplay was written by acclaimed playwright and screenwriter Tom Stoppard, and it is being helmed by Chris Weitz (who also gave the script a final polish, too). While you would never imagine Chris Weitz as your first choice to tackle this material, Weitz was so passionate about making this movie that he essentially wrote a 30+ page treatise detailing how he would make the movie and why he was the right one to make it. I loved his adaptation of Nick Hornby's About a Boy, and I think he respects Pullman's original material so much that he'll manage to make it a great cinematic experience without slavishly adherring to the source material.

Can you tell I'm excited? A trailer of some preliminary footage has come online. While the material is rough and I can certainly do without the witches on the winches at the end (the whole "the witches are coming!" reminds me too much of the scene in Return of the King where Pippin (or Merry, who can tell the frackin' difference?) screams "the Eagles are coming!" For some reason that moment really bugs me), the trailer as a whole still makes me giddy as a schoolgirl and reminds me of the potential of the movie-going experience, and I for one cannot wait for December 7th.

BONUS QUESTION: What would your dæmon be? I'm guessing mine would probably be a monkey, although certainly not one like Mrs. Coulters.

The Second Coming of Q

2007-03-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

- W.B. Yeats